Behind the Mirror

Sometimes when your mind is itching to write and you really don’t know what to write on, it’s good to look for an inspiration around. Bless you Ben Huberman, the Daily post guy… a random wandering over my inbox lead to your prompt for today, ‘Mind Reader’.

Prompt – Who’s the last person you saw before reading this prompt? Whether it’s a family member, a coworker, or a total stranger, write a post about what that person is thinking right now…?

Well, I looked at myself in the mirror.

What was I thinking about? I was thinking about someone.

So, if I am allowed to tweak the prompt a little, I would rather ask this… Whom does one think about the most, especially when one’s mind is idle? Isn’t it obvious now that I was idling around before I read the prompt and I was definitely thinking about someone. Evidently enough, I might be thinking about that person quite often.

So, who does one think about most of the times?

The answer is quite simple.

It’s either the one you are completely in love with. You love this person and when you think of him/her a quiet smile lights up your being. It could be an obsession, an infatuation, a crush, some you totally adore, your eternal admiration, someone awesome who makes you feel so good. It could be empathy, sympathy, cuddly, filial, maternal, paternal, brotherly, sisterly, friendly, and all those tender feeling and connections built on the base of love.

Or it’s that person you hate or wish to forget and have no answers from. It could be anybody. Your rude boss who wouldn’t explain why he is cross with you all the time? Or your ex love who dumped you and disappeared or may be your sister who wouldn’t talk to you after a silly fight. Don’t you feel those lines on your forehead when you think of this person? Sometimes, there is pain when you think of this person. Yeah, there is a question too ‘why’… why is it so between me and him/her? I am assuming we unconsciously ask this to ourselves because at our core being we look for reconciliation. We look for answers. We look for peace. We look for love.

Now that brings me to the question… whom was I thinking about? Yeah, I know whom was I thinking about. That person is real; somewhere between my shadow and the soul.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/mind-reader/

Don’t get to close..

Random thoughts from a writer

   You ever get the feeling that if someone get’s to close that they will see your inner most thought’s?

We often find ourselves pushing away other’s, because we feel if they get to close they will hurt us. I can understand wanting to push people away, you feel that you will get “burned” so to speak. My question is though, if we never open our heart’s then how do we learn to care about other’s. Every one of us has been hurt by someone in our live’s, it’s what we do with that pain that set’s us apart. If you find yourself angry at the world all the time, then you have not let “it” go yet. If you find that when people try to get “close” to you, that you sabotage your relationship’s.. you, my friend, have not let it go. The whole world is not out to…

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The True Love Bull!

This time for a change, I don’t want to set the context. I am going to dive right into the essence of this article. One of the most hyped up and cashed concept ever in world is “TRUE LOVE”. Specifically speaking, the ‘ONE ONLY TRUE LOVE’ concept! Certainly, the most exploited and overrated concept. Just put the formula in any movie, book or a lame story and I bet it will sell and sell well because we humans by nature live in the world of idealistic…the perfect. The reality: Perfect does not exist!

Let’s take examples; Romeo and Juliet, Cleopatra and Mark Antony, Lancelot and Guinevere, Tristan and Isolde, Paris and Helena, Layla and Majnun and many many more. Most of them are famous love stories in history/literature and are certainly immortal. If one reads these love stories it will certainly renew and reinforce their faith in love…but remember they are mere stories and honestly no one knows what happened after “happily ever after”.

The reality ‘True Love’ does not exist. However, love does. In fact, love is one of the best feelings a human can ever experience. The feeling of love usually oversees logic of otherwise fairly reasonable mind. It is a very strong emotion which can infuse into the mind and body with equal strength. One feels at his or her best. You would see your lover with imperfections but the feeling of love can overcome those imperfections as you will have ability to see then wholeheartedly. In fact, love can happen virtually anytime between two or more people who connect over shared and common emotion; but certainly, the precondition is true mental and emotional connection with another. Research proves that love is something that naturally lasts somewhere between 18 months to a stretched max of three years. The best part; the more you are exposed to each other faster the ‘love’ actually fades off.

If you notice there is no clear foundation to true love. It’s a story. Story people build for themselves to escape from their mediocre lives of lies, unfulfilled dreams and harsh realities. True love became the tranquilizers to their pains. Much obviously, this started with the era of literature. Specifically, the Romantic Era (Romanticism) which originated in Europe towards the end of the 18th century. Those who could write, wrote for the rich. The rich in turn propagated these tales and managed to turn their own stories into legends of love and romance. They filled them with all things nice and ideal. The fact, no king married just a woman. They often married a couple of them and would have has many of them. We don’t about Queens; well I think the smart ones would have had a couple of good ministers from the royalty. Roman, Greek or Indian, no matter which civilization you consider, you’ll see that marriages were mostly for social benefit. Marriages were done to join kingdoms, unite tribes and to appease those in power never, to proclaim true love… Even if so, I am sure there was a second or even a third love later in their lifetime which went unsaid.

Does that mean that there is no love in marriages? Your spouse is not your true love? Is that just some social bullshit…? Well, debatable.

I think what keeps people ‘happily’ married is not “true love” it’s an overall feeling of  security, love, respect for spouse, children, children s future, responsibility, family commitment, social and religious structure. (Note: This question is deliberately inserted in here as I am a married woman and would clearly want to put assumptions to rest)

Well, my idea is not to start a debate on love and marriage, that’s a different and a much bigger topic. All I want to say through this piece of article is how we have conveniently let ourselves get into to a delight mode reading a love story, believing it and wowing at one true love, which in real world doesn’t exist.  

I think this would have been a great suggestion a long back 🙂
A newbie to daily prompt.
http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/powerful-suggestion/

Cycle of Love

Cycle of love… it does terminate in expectations. Well, expectations are inevitable…some end well, some sad.

Again, what I am expressing here is merely my thought. You may agree or disagree.

This time around the love I am talking about is not between a guy and a girl. Isn’t that the first thing which comes to our mind when we say ‘love’?

This love which I am speaking about, is in its actual sense is our ‘first love’. It’s love towards our parents. Every girl’s first hero is her dad; every boy’s first lady love is his mum. If not for all the time, but surely for some time… This you and I can’t deny! So read on…

We get married and some have children, make families… bring up kids with loads of love and care. The feeling of parenthood is a heavenly experience. I am sure all the parents out there will agree. The weaning baby and then a toddler; their expressions, hugs, kisses, play, questions, frown, cry… everything is just so wonderful!

Now some questions and their answers…

Who experiences these pleasures of parenthood…?

We, the parents…

 

Who has all their senses very well developed to experience this feeling…?

We, again…

 

Who cherishes these moments…?

We, who else!

 

Are we doing a favor to our children by bringing them up by giving them the best…?

Obviously not, no-one asked us to… it’s our choice!

 

Do you love your child selflessly…?

Oh yeah! Any doubts…? My child! after all…

 

Having children, loving them and bringing them up, is the most self-pampering act a human being does. In fact, seeing a child in his or her own image is a selfish feeling. We take pride in them. Isn’t it? Accept it.

So, we as parents do everything to make sure that our children have the best childhood they can and while doing so something gets accounted in our emotional banks. We while debiting love, credit expectations into our accounts! We expect returns when our little children become able adults. All kinds of expectations… and there it goes, root cause to all the problems of parents ‘expecting’ and adult children ‘not fulfilling’.

Now it that right or wrong? Well nothing is right or wrong. It’s just the way we are. We love and we expect.

They say that all that what our parents were to us we realize when we have our kids. Sleepless nights, tiring days, feeding race, answering questions, admission queues… how can one not repay?

So, even if the parents expect or not, we must be obliged!

If weren’t obliged as children… then we better not expect as parents! It’s after all a CYCLE!

Well, I guess as parents the best we can do is to bring up your children in your love… imbibe sense of duty in them. Sow love and you will get that in return.

As children try you best to repay the love you received from your parents through making sure that you have a sense of duty towards them and you love them. Remember, you owe them big time. Your very identity, “your name” is after all their idea 🙂

 It’s just a cycle of love!

Yours, was the last nail on her coffin!

The spring was over
Flowers dried, leaves had fallen;
It ended all of a sudden!

Yours, was the last nail on her coffin!

Her coffin was dark,
Hushed cobwebs,
Shades of deep grey and dense black,
Contented in that
she slept still, in warmth.

He came like a breeze
Uttered magical words,
Fine graceful words,
Vanquisher, your assuring words,
Those soulful words, those amusing words,
You woke her up, only to breathe her last.

She peeped through her coffin,
Oh, isn’t he from my past?
Why is he so familiar?
What is this enchant?

I am your pal,
We need no wall,
Take my hand,
I will not let you fall.
Tell me your secrets,
Your dreams and desire,
I am here for you,
I am here to last.

Hesitant but hopeful,
she stepped out dawdling.
Here I go again, relying
On a stranger so boastful.

Outside the coffin, it was bliss,
The talk, the walk, what fun they had.
Magical magical days of illusion,
the eyes, the love, the kiss, the passion.
She wished, she wished for it to last.
Spring could be so wonderful,
Never seen it like that.

The night went by,
She yet twisted in his arms,
Glanced at him, still in trance.
But why is his skin changing color?
Why is it like the one she remembers?
Deep grey and shade of black!

Why is this grin?
Why is this laugh?
Why are his eyes so cold?
Why is it all just like the past?
Why is ice forming so fast?

Pushed away, and this time too hard
Slammed into coffin
With a broken heart
Cold she laid there
In deep grey and dense black

The spring was over
Flowers had dried, leaves fallen
It ended all of a sudden

Yours, was the last nail on her coffin!
Yours, was the last nail on her coffin!

Dedicating this to April, the National Poetry Writing Month! 

In response to http://dailypost.wordpress.com/?dp_writing_challenge=poetry 

 

My romanticism of connection!

I have been thinking to write about my experience with this breathtaking movie series which I watched, since last evening. Usually if I read, watch or experience a certain situation and if it gives me an emotional high the only way I can regain my peace is by writing it away.

The last four months, I have been fervently watching movies, one after the other. Firstly, it was one of the things I did to fill in all the free time I get in a constructive way. Moving to Perth and job hunting scenario has given me a lot of time just for myself. Secondly, it was to catch up all those lovely movies that I had missed over there 8 to 9 years. I was a movie addict, in a nice way, before marriage. But you know how things change when you get into the race of having a family and making a living.

Well, those are reasons of how my movie marathon began post the relocation. Coming back to the trilogy, it was by complete accident that I bumped into reading the reviews of this one called ‘Before Midnight’. It was mentioned there that this movie is a sequel to ‘Before Sunset’. I knew it would make sense for me to watch it after I watch ‘Before Sunrise’, which is the first one in series and ‘Before Sunset’ being the second. I admit that I get a big high through a good conversation, watching this trilogy was unexplainably satisfying.

The story progress from film to film, conversation changes along with phases of life… ‘Before Sunrise’ is based on this amazing new conversation and relationship between this 23 odd boy and girl in the hours that they have with each other before sunrise. Beautiful, young, engaging and real conversations, just conversation… I am certainly not giving away the plot. The sequel ‘Before Sunset’ filmed with the same actors, some 9 years later in 2004. Both are a bit older and naturally wiser, a 32 odd something but as they rightly point out in one of their conversation, the core never changes. I could see the character still the same as what I had seen them of in the prequel. Just that they had gained more wisdom through their experiences. Man and woman now, yet having the subtle emotions and whole feeling of attraction rekindled. The last part ‘Before Midnight’ was further realistic, in fact much sharper and darker.  The characters are married and have kids. The conversations are much matured yet witty. There is a certain amount of regret, hidden aspirations and insecurities yet there is undying love for one another. The best part is that they still speak with each other like they had met yesterday

I am totally blown out. This is my idealistic romance situation, I must say. Conversations which moved over time and space… a certain connection which in this case worked out into a marriage… I watched them one after the other…could not stop. Yeah, I am eternally thankful to the all powerful and all encompassed Google for having let me see them one after the other. If I had to wait for the time gaps in real, it would have played with my head.

Sharing a few excerpts of conversation between Celine and Jesse… 🙂

Before Sunrise
Celine: Isn’t everything we do in life a way to be loved a little more?
Jesse: People always talk about how love is this totally unselfish, giving thing, but if you think about it, there’s nothing more selfish.

Before Sunset
Celine: Memory is a wonderful thing if you don’t have to deal with the past.
Jesse: Life’s hard. It’s supposed to be. If we didn’t suffer, we’d never learn anything.

Before Midnight
Celine: Women explore for eternity in the vast garden of sacrifice.
Jesse: You remember that guy who loved you and you had that great romance with? It’s me.

Now some facts…

I did mention Google right. Well, a naturally curious me knocked Google doors again to find out if the couple was real. I knew that Richard Linklater, the writer and director of the movie, conceived it out of his own life incident. A little more researching led to a rather sad reality. I came through this article called ‘The Real Couple Behind Before Sunrise’ by Forrest Wickman, a Slate staff writer.  

He reveals that the girl Linklater met one night was Amy Lehrhaupt. He mentions, “Almost 25 years ago, Lehrhaupt met a young man named Richard Linklater and spent a night with him that he never forgot. Their encounter inspired Linklater to conceive and direct Before Sunrise, the first film in the series. She never saw it, though; unbeknownst to Linklater, by the time that movie came out, Lehrhaupt was dead.”

Now isn’t that sad!

The encounter, the wonderful time they shared and rest of the story is mentioned in his article. If you are interested you may read through this link. http://www.slate.com/blogs/browbeat/2013/05/30/before_sunrise_inspiration_before_midnight_is_dedicated_to_amy_lehrhaupt.html

Well, it may be just a movie but I guess I related to it so much only because my romanticism of connection between two was so close to it. 

Image

Love, Sex and Assumptions

I was always deeply impressed by Susan Sontag’s writing. She was an American writer and filmmaker, professor, literary icon, and political activist. One of the most celebrated minds of the last century, who spent decades contemplating love and being discombobulated over sex, zooms in with her characteristic precision on our culture’s impossible expectations of the relationship between the two. I read these recently again and had to, just had to share in my blog-space.
“We ask everything of love. We ask it to be anarchic. We ask it to be the glue that holds the family together, that allows society to be orderly and allows all kinds of material processes to be transmitted from one generation to another. But I think that the connection between love and sex is very mysterious. Part of the modern ideology of love is to assume that love and sex always go together. They can, I suppose, but I think rather to the detriment of either one or the other. And probably the greatest problem for human beings is that they just don’t. And why do people want to be in love? That’s really interesting. Partly, they want to be in love the way you want to go on a roller coaster again — even knowing you’re going to have your heart broken. What fascinates me about love is what it has to do with all the cultural expectations and the values that have been put into it. I’ve always been amazed by the people who say, “I fell in love, I was madly, passionately in love, and I had this affair.” And then a lot of stuff is described and you ask, “How long did it last?” And the person will say, “A week, I just couldn’t stand him or her.”
She also mentions the toxic age-related stereotypes and polarities to which we subscribe as a culture, to which she points as the root of our unease about love:
“Our ideas of love are terribly bound up in our ambivalence about these two conditions — the positive and negative valuations of childhood, the positive and negative valuations of adulthood. And I think that, for many people, love signifies a return to values that are represented by childhood and that seem censored by the dried-up, mechanized, adult kinds of coercions of work and rules and responsibilities and impersonality. I mean, love is sensuality and play and irresponsibility and hedonism and being silly, and it gets to be thought of in terms of dependence and becoming weaker and getting into some kind of emotional slavery and treating the loved one as some kind of parent figure or sibling. You reproduce a part of what you were as a child when you weren’t free and were completely dependent on your parents, particularly your mother.”

No Mid-way

It’s a re-validated realization that there is no mid way in a relationship. Either you are in it or out of it. For those who redefine it or hang in are only being pretentious or appeasing. It takes mettle to get out of that state and make a choice.

The catalyst called ‘Conscious Uncoupling’

I came across a news article in the morning; a very popular celebrity couple announced that they are separating. It is a 10 year long marriage which they are about to break. The couple said in a joint statement that they were to “consciously uncouple”.

Is it a new terminology or an awakened new age? Does that sound like break up? Is it a nicer way of saying that we mutually consent into divorce? Well, all that is debatable. In whichever way it may come or whatever you call it, one can agree to that fact that it is ‘separation’ and ‘separations are painful’.

I hope ‘conscious uncoupling’ does not become another murmur word and gets misinterpreted further on from here. Now that the word has appeared in all glam glitz news walls, I fear that.

I wouldn’t call it another word for divorce or break up. According to me, it’s a concept or a pact between two individuals.  When two individuals in a relationship see themselves as non meeting parallel lines, it is best for them that they move out and probably move on. It is that stage in a relationship when you make a conscious decision that you and your partner can be on their own, being still completely in love with each other but yet separate; uncoupled. This helps them still share mutual respect for each other, or sometimes get back.

This is not true for marriages alone. Let’s accept that genuine connections with another individual can develop anytime in our lives. Some progress to friendship, some deeper than that. You may call them affairs or flings in a more casual way, but if they are based on connections between souls it is delightful and those involved are a couple. Obviously then, there is conscious coupling and conscious uncoupling.

There can be cases where this realization comes into one of the two and he/she initiates the communication with other. The other may not be in a position to reciprocate with equal consciousness. The probable reasons for the other to not rise to that level of realization may be extreme dependence, fear of loss or diffidence. Blame, hurt, debate, will be all a part of this process because separations are heartbreaking and nerve wrecking; but, a little time and self talk makes you realize that separation can bring much more control in a relationship and help retain love and respect which otherwise could have been ruined and left scars.

Let me tell you this, if conscious uncoupling is made catalyst to turn the emotional pain into something constructive then that is the best thing one can do for themselves. I want to specifically mention this to all my likes out there, as most of the times the ‘other’ is the ‘woman’. Again, this is no blame dear man, just an observation. There are many reasons to it which I would want to bring in here. That’s a scope for another blog, just on that topic.

So woman, if you have lately undergone separation or have been shown the path of conscious uncoupling you must use your pain to create or explore something totally new about yourself. You will be glad you did. You may also regain respect and love for your ex-connect.

Try It!.

“I trust you”

Because I am a woman, I will only be able to do justice writing how a woman feels at any given situation and how she would react. So, most of my blogs will be women centric. They will surround my lady friend’s and my experiences of life. All of them are my honest opinions. Things which I think are right or thought are right at that point in time.

I assume these will be visited more often my men, given the tile I am a Woman.The reasons are obvious and naturally so. It’s healthy. So, let me start with a note on one of the the most basic human acts, something which women easily do.

Trust!

Trust is a social construct. A certain base on which all the relationships grow. It is an emotional and logical act. Emotionally, it is where you expose your vulnerabilities and insecurities to someone, but believing someone will not take advantage of your openness.  Logically, it is where you have assessed the probabilities of gain and loss, calculating expected utility based on hard performance data, and concluded that the person in question will behave in a predictable manner. In practice, trust is a bit of both.

We women trust easily as most of us are security seeking. When we trust men, we allow them to penetrate into us both emotionally and sometimes physically. However, most of the times the quick built trust bring deepest heartaches.

When a woman says “I trust you” she actually means I trust you because I have experienced your trustworthiness and because I have faith in human nature. I trust you, because I think that you will love me forever the way you did when you made love to me for the first time.