The only earthly feeling I cannot contain in myself in the feeling of being REJECTED. Forget contain, I can’t even take it!
If I were to associate adjectives to myself, I would choose a plentiful. Before I list them, let me tell you that these are not words chosen by me; these are what I have heard about myself from people who were/ are associated with me in some way or other. Yes, I believe them to be true.
So here it goes… I am a charming, attractive, sexy, beautiful woman. I am considerate, friendly, loving, generous, compassionate, affectionate, romantic, reliable, resourceful, non-judging, thoughtful, empathetic, diligent, hardworking, confident, honest but diplomatic at times, fair-minded, adaptable, amicable kind. I am also imaginative and creative. How can I forget, I love making good conversation. I can get people talking and am a great listener. I am very nice person to be with!
Now, how can you reject such a nice person? Has that happened to me? Yes, it has. I have been rejected at times. I am not discussing rejection in an interview (Well, even that has happened to me just once out of five interviews I ever gave in my life). Such rejection does not bother me. I can very well take it and contain it. Rejections from people you connect with at a heart level, those are bad. Really bad…Though, extremely popular among friends and associates, I have been rejected… a few odd times. I keep wondering what could have gone wrong. It drives me crazy when I don’t find enough reasons… or don’t get a genuine response as an explanation for being rejected.
Was it overdoes of niceness?
How can somebody reject and nice person? (Pun intended)
After the madness has settled, her wickedness takes over!!
Alright then, the prompt is ‘Open the first photo album you can find — real or virtual, your call — and stop at the first picture of yourself you see there. Tell us the story of that photo.’
So, to be all honest I had to close my eyes and do an “inky pinky ponky” in the phone gallery and I bumped into this snap.
This was in Malayasia and the ladies in the snap were my team-mates from the last Company I used for work for, back in India. As you see, we got clicked while getting ready for the real click. It was a trip I forced myself into. I was… I guess, the last one to get the Visa cleared among the team of 30 who went for the trip.
The trip was essentially organized for the annual award winners. My team and I used to organize the award ceremony and all that supplemented it. As a part of the process, it was necessary for a few HR team members to accompany the winners. The interesting thing was, that time around, mostly all of us in HR made it to the trip because of last minute cancellations by actual winners. In order to not let go of the ticket slots wasted, we fitted in, a clever wicked idea by our travel coordinator. She knew we deserved that break for all the slogging we underwent to get that award event up and running. We used to call it ‘Retail Oscars’, I guess it’s still called so.
Good bargain, the trip was when I look back though at that time I was quite unsure of joining the team. I used to be a crazy employee and usually took too much on my plate and suffer later from work indigestion. An employee any manager would dream of having. A little drama and I would get stuck and make decisions which will be in favor of the organization at the cost of my time and health sometimes. However, joining that trip was just for me. I knew it was the last time I would get a chance of catching up with my team mates at a personal level. I had worked very closely with each one of them form the time the team was formed. We were called the Retail HR team, a part of Corporate but catering solely to the Retail wing. Things were going to change soon. A couple of them and me were moving to new teams.
Now when I look back, I am seriously happy about deciding to go for that Malaysian escapade. We had a good time, though we missed one of our team-mates throughout, a lovely lady who couldn’t make it because some odd Visa issues. But for that, it was a time memorable.
The entire episode taught me something too… at times you need to think about yourself first:)
This is for one of my special girlfriends… I am sure when she reads it, she will get the message…
Virginia Wolf writes… ‘Across the broad continent of a woman’s life falls the shadow of a sword.’ On one side of that sword, she said, there lies convention and tradition and order, where all is correct. But on the other side of that sword, if you’re crazy enough to cross it and choose a life that does not follow convention, ‘all is confusion.’ Nothing follows a regular course. Her argument was that the crossing of the shadow of that sword may bring a more interesting existence to a woman, but you can bet it will be more perilous.
Now that’s some good advice there.
We write for the same reason that we walk, talk, climb mountains or swim the oceans — because we can. So inspired by Maya Angelou…
Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with deeper meaning.
Find a beautiful piece of art. If you fall in love with Van Gogh or Matisse or John Oliver Killens, or if you fall love with the music of Coltrane, the music of Aretha Franklin, or the music of Chopin — find some beautiful art and admire it, and realize that it was created by human beings just like you, no more human, no less.
There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.
The idea is to write it so that people hear it and it slides through the brain and goes straight to the heart.
When I am writing, I am trying to find out who I am, who we are, what we’re capable of, how…
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Very well expressed by Cristian Milhai … though I don’t call myself a writer because I think it needs far more command and dedication, yet I relate to all that he says through this blog in my own little way, in whatever less I write.
Salute to Kahlil Gibran!
Where shall you seek beauty, and how shall you find her unless she herself be your way and your guide?
And how shall you speak of her except she be the weaver of your speech?
The aggrieved and the injured say, “Beauty is kind and gentle.
Like a young mother half-shy of her own glory she walks among us.”
And the passionate say, “Nay, beauty is a thing of might and dread.
Like the tempest she shakes the earth beneath us and the sky above us.”
The tired and the weary say, “beauty is of soft whisperings. She speaks in our spirit.
Her voice yields to our silences like a faint light that quivers in fear of the shadow.”
But the restless say, “We have heard her shouting among the mountains,
And with her cries came the sound of hoofs, and the beating of wings and the roaring of lions.”
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And so said a forgotten page…
“Often notes scribbled in pencil gets erased in time, the next time around use a pen.”
Sometimes when your mind is itching to write and you really don’t know what to write on, it’s good to look for an inspiration around. Bless you Ben Huberman, the Daily post guy… a random wandering over my inbox lead to your prompt for today, ‘Mind Reader’.
Prompt – Who’s the last person you saw before reading this prompt? Whether it’s a family member, a coworker, or a total stranger, write a post about what that person is thinking right now…?
Well, I looked at myself in the mirror.
What was I thinking about? I was thinking about someone.
So, if I am allowed to tweak the prompt a little, I would rather ask this… Whom does one think about the most, especially when one’s mind is idle? Isn’t it obvious now that I was idling around before I read the prompt and I was definitely thinking about someone. Evidently enough, I might be thinking about that person quite often.
So, who does one think about most of the times?
The answer is quite simple.
It’s either the one you are completely in love with. You love this person and when you think of him/her a quiet smile lights up your being. It could be an obsession, an infatuation, a crush, some you totally adore, your eternal admiration, someone awesome who makes you feel so good. It could be empathy, sympathy, cuddly, filial, maternal, paternal, brotherly, sisterly, friendly, and all those tender feeling and connections built on the base of love.
Or it’s that person you hate or wish to forget and have no answers from. It could be anybody. Your rude boss who wouldn’t explain why he is cross with you all the time? Or your ex love who dumped you and disappeared or may be your sister who wouldn’t talk to you after a silly fight. Don’t you feel those lines on your forehead when you think of this person? Sometimes, there is pain when you think of this person. Yeah, there is a question too ‘why’… why is it so between me and him/her? I am assuming we unconsciously ask this to ourselves because at our core being we look for reconciliation. We look for answers. We look for peace. We look for love.
Now that brings me to the question… whom was I thinking about? Yeah, I know whom was I thinking about. That person is real; somewhere between my shadow and the soul.
Have you watched the movie Notebook? No, it’s not the romance I have in my head right now, it’s a condition the movie depicts… loss of memory… otherwise known as ‘dementia’.
The last few weeks learning about various life conditions has been quite a realization and reaffirmation on the fact that one should live each day like the last one…We were focusing on conditions of physical and mental disabilities and the social aspects around it. It’s very easy to stand on the other side and empathize with such conditions but to live that life, only they know what they go through and some are rendered too confuse to know … The care givers often get frustrated as they ruin their social life and often want to get back to their so called normalcy, which is understandable. It’s torturing to imagine your loved one is crippled or progressive getting crippled.
What caught my attention was Dementia. We got to see many videos on it and I couldn’t stop my tears flowing down. There was this whole feeling of how dear memories are and the thought of losing them forever is scary.Here is wiki definition for the ones who don’t have an understanding of dementia. Dementia is a broad category of brain diseases that cause long term loss of the ability to think and reason clearly that is severe enough to affect a person’s daily functioning. For the diagnosis to be present it must be a change from how the person was previously.The most common form of dementia is Alzheimer’s disease (75%). Except for a few treatable types in most cases there is no cure.
Waking up each day and trying to remember your name, your existence is terrible. The purpose of life itself is lost, it’s an unimaginable state. Imagine wandering around looking for something which you know is very pertinent. But then, you can’t remember what you are looking for…once the idea is lost, everything is lost and you have to wander around trying to figure out what it was that was so important earlier. Everything including yourself seems like disappearing.
As I said earlier, the one who is left with the affected is all the more in pain. A part of note in one of the books says caregiver must supervise over the degeneration of someone he or she loves very much and may do this for years and years with the news always getting worse. It may not get not better anytime… they must every few months learn to compensate for new shortcomings with makeshift remedies; must negotiate impossible requests and fantastic observations; must put up sometimes with deranged but at the same time very personal insults; and must somehow learn to smile through it all. Caregivers must be able to diagnose a wide variety of ordinary ailments under extraordinary circumstances. Imagine the person you love the most suddenly upset about something but completely unable to communicate the problem or even to understand it himself.
Just as death affects the people around and not the dead, dementia too does something similar.
Note: I picked up a few movies to watch to understand a little more about the condition apart from all that reading which I was doing and ended up with a list which I am glad to share. You may watch them, if interested:
- The Savages (2007)
- Aurora Borealis (2006)
- The Notebook (2004)
- A Song For Martin (2001)
- Away From Her (2007)
- Iris: A Memoir of Iris Murdoch (2001)
- Firefly Dreams (2001)
- Age Old Friends (1989)